Thursday, June 25, 2009


I feel fat. I don't like feeling fat.

In my mid 30's, I loved the gym, loved to exercise, food had no control over me. I ate to fuel my body. I loved the way my clothes fit. I felt strong and healthy and in control.

Between now and then, I switched jobs twice and had to assume care of my ailing mother until she passed away. The time I once devoted to exercise and a healthy lifestyle went away. Even after my mother passed away, I had a very long commute, 4 hours a day. I didn't have time to spend at the gym....the routine has never returned. The LOVE for working out has been elusive. Food has more stronghold on me that I ever thought it would.

I tried over the past year and half to get back into going to the gym. One gym closed, I switched to an all woman gym, who then switched out the weights to a new type of machines, which I hated. I also was working out with a partner on a regular basis, which actually ended up being more stressful me. I work out a certain way that always showed results and I wasn't able, in my mind, to really push myself, especially with the change out of the more traditional equipment.

Man...this is getting long.

Bottom line...I need to find a way to put some balance in my life in the area of health. Do I want to be the gym rat I was? Not really. Do I want to lose 15 pounds. Yes. I need to find a "trick" to get me back to the mindset of food as fuel. I just want to be healthier - it's not about having a body that people will admire anymore - which it was in the past.

I wonder where that healthy girl is hiding?

Work and home are stressful for me these days....Work is more demanding...home....ds moved back in - and it's disrupted my "routine".


Carrielyn said...

First, don't beat yourself up! And you're NOT fat. You may weigh a little more than you THINK you should, but I would hardly call you fat!

And second, here's what I did:
I joined a gym that is 1/2 a block from my work. I use my lunch break to go. It's working really well... I even kept going at least once a week for most of my pregnancy. I don't try and do anything toooooooo hard core... I usually alternate between just a fast pace on the tredmill or bike and a round on the weight machines. Nothing that gets me too tired or sweaty, but enough to get my body moving and my heart pumping. The benefits (OTHER than the burning of calories):It makes my day at work go super fast (because it totally breaks my day in half), and I feel less "blah" in the afternoons. Since I'm distracted through the lunch hour, I find myself eating my lunch a little later, quicky at my desk while I work... which leads to eating less AND skipping those afternoon "blah" snacks. A double win!

The days I DON'T go, I can feel it. This last week, I have been nursing a bum knee (damn pregnancy hormones are still causing my grief) and I haven't been able to go, and I feel like a slug. So even just the 30 mins I spend there (I give myself 30 mins to get cleaned up and the walk there and back) makes a huge difference.

Wow, that turned out long!

Anonymous said...

I'm looking forward to reclaiming my body back after 8 years of babies, moves and discovering i love food.. I've decided after brady comes and my tubes are's on like donkey kong..but i read in his word a reminder that inspires me to work out and get healthy. We are fearfully and wounderfuly made in HIS image girlfriend...I'm taking the apprich of just flat out greatfulness of life...and Thank God by taking care of myself. I take care of myself by excersize and walk whaile listening to worship music or reading when on the tredmill a book of devotions. Pray before and after each work out... it worked for me before and it will again this time! Hang in there...your beautiful!!

Jocelyn said...

I just found your Blog and I am so with you with the weight loss!!! I have been on Prednisone and have packed on 8 extra pounds to the already 10 pounds I wanted to lose...I cannot get into the gym scene...I do have a pilates machine but have not been much inspired to get onto that either. When you discover the answer can you share it with me....or maybe we can work together to inspire one another....I sweet tea for me this week, now how about you!!!! Have a great weekend!

Lynette said...

I haaven't been able to get to the gym since Andrew's accident, so I know how you feel. The answer is there, I just haven't found it yet. I know both of us will though.