Sunday, April 11, 2010

Grace....Amazing Grace....


Amazing Grace

Have you thought about the definition of Grace lately? There are many definitions – Here are some I found.

1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.

2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.

3. A sense of fitness or propriety.

4. a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill; b. Mercy; clemency.

5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.

6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve

8. a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people; b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God; c. An excellence or power granted by God.

This morning in the shower I was using a Philosophy shower gel called Pure Grace. And as I lathered up I took the time to enjoy the clean and crisp smell. I looked at the bubbles on my skin and I took the time to feel the hot water run over my body and watch the bubbles roll off my body and down the drain - to be in the moment - not thinking of the many things I NEED to get done and check off my to-do list.

And I cried. Not a lot, just some tears of relief, of happiness, of rest, of discovery, of realization. What did I discover or maybe just take the time to notice and to take joy in the fact that I am ME and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and maybe, just maybe, I need to show myself a little grace, a reprieve from the constant fear and judgment I am so very good heaping upon myself.

Most of you know that I recently decided to see a therapist. And I have been going and I am getting much out of the sessions – I was very questionable in the beginning. I’m opening myself to reading different things and to even begin to consider feeding my spirit on a regular basis. There are many aspects to who I am. To nurture them, discover them, to find them - I deserve that. My family deserves it. People who are around me deserve it.

One thing I’ve discovered, or at least have admitted to myself, is that I have been unhappy with who I am for longer than I can even pinpoint. Now unhappy does not mean suicidal. It does not necessarily mean depression or any of the other labels that are put on our emotional well-being or Un-being.

I would venture to guess that most of my friends don’t realize this about me.

I OFTEN think to myself:

Why can’t I write like Cynthia?

Why aren’t people drawn to me like they are Tigger?

Why can’t I seem to get as much done as Joesette?

Why aren’t I as smart as my boss, or Schnauz or Barb?

Why don’t people read my blog like they do Jocelyn’s blog?

Why can’t I scrap like Cathy?

And the list goes on and on and on.

And a switch flipped recently. BECAUSE I AM NOT THEM! I am ME. I have talents. I KNOW things and stuff. I AM unique. I AM special. I AM funny. I AM creative. I have things to OFFER to friends and family – Now to learn how to be that person – to know that person and love that person!

So sweet friends, little by little, minute by minute, day by day – this soon to be 49 year old woman, is going to start to create the ART of Donna – the ART of being ME – all the millions and gazillions things that make me up – I’m going to discover, to learn to appreciate and to love.

A life long journey is unfolding, right before your eyes and right before mine.


Carrielyn said...

Well, that was perfect timing. I needed to read this today. Thanks!

Jocelyn said...

Wow...was this also needed today for me!!!

First off....Philosophy Girl...and that is my favorite scent and I just got out of the shower smelling yummy also!!

What a moving important this is...I too am going through something similar and then here you are sharing this part of you!!!

I am so excited to be part of the a beautiful flower you are....are we are about to see the blooming!!! YOU are are you....made in your will find all the right pieces of the puzzle and it will go together with some work!!!

Blessing to you sweet friend and I am in for the ride with you...let's jump in that convertible and let our hair blow in the wind!!!

Love ya girlie!!!

Sandi said...

My GOD. Do you know how much you mean to me? How unique you are? How inspiring you are? How much I want to burp like you????

You truly ARE fearfully and wonderfully made... and I can't wait towatch your story unfold...

Love you.

Sandi said...

And you know what else?

You mention people being drawn to ME, but I was drawn to YOU. Remember?

Joesette said...

Wow, I'm flattered to be in such good company. But I always say "wow, I wish I was as creative and artsy as Donna". So we're all a work in progress!

Great post!

Lugo Family said...

So beautiful...a reminder to us all to be who we were created to be :-)

CK Photo said...

You've been inside my head lately. I am good at the "Why can't I" statements. (((hug)))

Lynette said...

I think it is a good sign when we admire the characteristics of our friends. I like to think I am fortunate to be able to have all these friends who are funny, (you) talented (you) and all the other things (all of my friends). I consider myself lucky to be able to be with you.

Cathy said...

: )

I love your whole post. I so need to find myself too. To realize what my purpose in life is.

I can't wait to meet you, I do believe I'm going to wish you weren't so far away from me though!!

Prima's make the page!!

Carla said...

Donna, very very sweet post. You go girl....we all need to feel better about ourselves. I know that I do too. But I tend to just brush it under the rug alot and ignore it. Good for you that you are feeling better!

Monica Coffman said...

Oh Donna...I think so many of us have some of those exact same thoughts! I'm always trying to compare myself to others rather than just being me. I even blogged something similar just the other day. What a great reminder to everyone to learn to love who/what they are first and foremost.

睿玄 said...

great msg for me, thanks a lot dude˙﹏˙

Nishant said...

that was perfect timing..
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