Have you thought about the definition of Grace lately? There are many definitions – Here are some I found.
1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4. a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill; b. Mercy; clemency.
5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve
8. a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people; b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God; c. An excellence or power granted by God.
This morning in the shower I was using a Philosophy shower gel called Pure Grace. And as I lathered up I took the time to enjoy the clean and crisp smell. I looked at the bubbles on my skin and I took the time to feel the hot water run over my body and watch the bubbles roll off my body and down the drain - to be in the moment - not thinking of the many things I NEED to get done and check off my to-do list.
And I cried. Not a lot, just some tears of relief, of happiness, of rest, of discovery, of realization. What did I discover or maybe just take the time to notice and to take joy in the fact that I am ME and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and maybe, just maybe, I need to show myself a little grace, a reprieve from the constant fear and judgment I am so very good heaping upon myself.
Most of you know that I recently decided to see a therapist. And I have been going and I am getting much out of the sessions – I was very questionable in the beginning. I’m opening myself to reading different things and to even begin to consider feeding my spirit on a regular basis. There are many aspects to who I am. To nurture them, discover them, to find them - I deserve that. My family deserves it. People who are around me deserve it.
One thing I’ve discovered, or at least have admitted to myself, is that I have been unhappy with who I am for longer than I can even pinpoint. Now unhappy does not mean suicidal. It does not necessarily mean depression or any of the other labels that are put on our emotional well-being or Un-being.
I would venture to guess that most of my friends don’t realize this about me.
I OFTEN think to myself:
Why can’t I write like Cynthia?
Why aren’t people drawn to me like they are Tigger?
Why can’t I seem to get as much done as Joesette?
Why aren’t I as smart as my boss, or Schnauz or Barb?
Why don’t people read my blog like they do Jocelyn’s blog?
Why can’t I scrap like Cathy?
And the list goes on and on and on.
And a switch flipped recently. BECAUSE I AM NOT THEM! I am ME. I have talents. I KNOW things and stuff. I AM unique. I AM special. I AM funny. I AM creative. I have things to OFFER to friends and family – Now to learn how to be that person – to know that person and love that person!
So sweet friends, little by little, minute by minute, day by day – this soon to be 49 year old woman, is going to start to create the ART of Donna – the ART of being ME – all the millions and gazillions things that make me up – I’m going to discover, to learn to appreciate and to love.
A life long journey is unfolding, right before your eyes and right before mine.