So much has happened in 2012 that I can’t possibly fit it in one post. But let’s suffice to say that “I’ve come a long way, baby”!
At the end of 2011 I was still carrying around a lot of anger, resentment, and bitterness built over years and years. I carried it with me everywhere. It affected every piece of my life. I was always blaming everyone else for what was wrong with my life and I had quite a wall built up. I carefully crafted that wall – it was my protection. After all, there was nobody who I could really trust and I believed even God had let me down.
In 2012 my wall came under attack. Little by little, God placed amazing people in my life, used words and encourage from old, dear, friends; brought me to a wonderful church, Crossroads Vineyard and good things started to happen. I felt the wall beginning to crack. No matter how fast and furious I worked to patch the cracks I was just too tired to keep it up.
Through counseling with Jeff and Diane Wright, through the Word brought at my church by my pastor, Joel Lowery, through prayer of good friends, that wall had little to no chance of staying up and eventually it came crashing down. Picture one of those shows where they show how a building is blown up….that was my wall. Dust and debris everywhere! The feeling was overwhelming and frightening. Facing emotions, letting go, really letting go of my past abuse, constant battles within my own mind reminding me of all my past mistakes – to just drop that heavy burden and let myself stand up straight and look up and actually be able to realize – I am loved. I am worthy. I am priceless.
It has been a year of healing and restoration. I have never felt such peace and joy. The anger is just gone. I don’t react with anger at everything little thing. I FEEL again. I cry when I see people hurting. It’s been a long time since I felt that way. I do believe a good description is Unleashed. (more on that in a later post).
Now I am on a church plant team that is going to put a church in northern Virginia. If you had told me that in December 2011, I would have laughed at you. I think God really does have a sense of humor.
Excerpt from Steven Furtick’s message “Celebration and Anticipation” – Elevation Church
There’s a tension that exists whenever God has moved greatly in the life of a person or church. It’s the tension between looking back and looking forward.
Some of you are too busy dreaming about where God is taking you next to appreciate how far He has taken you recently. Stop for a moment and celebrate.
Others of you are so busy celebrating what God has done in your life that you’ve yet to realize it’s just a taste of what He still has to do in you and through you. Stop for a moment and anticipate.
I’m beyond excited about what is going to happen in 2013. God didn’t bring me out of that dark, self imposed prison for me to just go about my life. He has something amazing for me to do, in this time, with this life. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I do know that I’m on the right path and I am happy and excited for what each new day brings. I can’t believe God would want to use this mess – but He loves messes and uses them to bring Glory for His Kingdom. I’m celebrating and anticipating…living in the tension is where I want to be. Always thankful for what He has done and looking ahead to what He wants to do.
So, on today, the first day of 2013, I look back and celebrate all that has taken place in my life and I am looking forward with great anticipation of what is to come this year. I plan on living my life Mindfully. My word of the year - Mindful.
Take the time to do that for your life. It’s a new day and a new year – the possibilities are endless.
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